You can reach the right people without networking! Build a rich environment with varied scenery.

Are you also invited to networking meetings, sign up, and almost never go? Do you know these people who sometimes don't feel the most comfortable in a place but sometimes are the most connected and lead the conversation with people they have never met before? Do you have acquaintances who are awkward in the "social circle" but can reach exactly the right people when they need it?

A few days ago I spoke with a senior manager in a software company and somehow we got to talk about building relationships. When he was an undergraduate student, he was the head of the student union for a while. He then got to know a lot of people and enjoyed every moment of it, it was also part of his "role requirements". Since then he has moved to the business world, moved up the ladder, and his interest in getting to know new people changed dramatically.

Why? First, it was unfeasible for him to maintain so many relationships, now that he is not a political figure and a student. His personal and professional lives are completely different. Every once in awhile he meets new people who interest him, he is very sociable and nice, but when it comes to building new relationships he approaches it differently.

Today, with two young children, after the family time, he focuses on his career and himself. So when he meets new people who he has chemistry with, he thinks. Who are they and why are they interested in him? How can they contribute to his personal or professional life, can he contribute something to them? If he builds a new relationship, how could it produce interesting ideas and new initiatives. And only if everything works out, he starts to build the connection.

I can attest that he has a very rich network of people and every time we talked about a certain topic, there were people he knows well that could help him move forward. When I asked him what he thinks about networking he said something very interesting. He doesn't like networking events because they force acquaintances. There is something in them that opposes the inner will and need not to be sufficiently related to the person inside.

We looked for analogies. I suggested a plankton eating whale swims in a sea full of seaweeds. That's how I felt when I was at IBM and every time I had to pivot, it took about a month and I would "accidentally" meet the right person. I worked in a rich environment with people of all types and roles. He suggested a different picture. He loves our country because it has everything. It has mountains, lots of green (he lives in the north), it has sea, lakes and desert. It has very varied scenery. So does the group of people around him, which he continues to build and maintain, with a lot and focused investment.

If you fee that networking events are uncomfortable and forced, you're not alone. And even with them, it is possible to build a rich and engaging social-professional environment that will allow and promote your movement and growth.